After I smashed up my leg, doing martial arts. I broke my ankle and had a plate put on it to hold it together and ruined my knee, to where I was not sure I would walk again. I began at the gym. I also continued in martial arts training. I did super fantastic at it, but to my teachers frustration, I refused to do a roll. This was something that he said was absolutely necessary, compulsory and I would do. It was something I truly believed was 'impossible' for me to do. I studied under him for three years, trained and taught classes up to 8 times a week. I worked my way through the ranks to 'cho dan bo' which is the level just before black belt. That is when my instructor stood before me and said if you dont do a roll, you WILL NOT move on.
I stood for what seemed an eternity, and he stood patiently at my side, calmly waiting for me to overcome my mindset, my fears, my memories, my perceptions and to work out what it was that I wanted most. I got down, and he was right there to help me in whatever I needed. Again it seemed I was there forever. Finally, I took a deep breath and pushed off. I did a roll, then another, and another and another. Maybe not the most gracious or elegant. I did it. So many times over the years, the memory of that victory has blessed and emboldened me.
We are so like that with the things of yesterday and the things we are asked to do by Jesus. We have a mindset that speaks to the rest of us to yield to whatsoever takes our fancy. Sometimes we refuse to do things because vaguely we had, for one reason or another, decided we never would. We forget that our memories forget or add details over time. That we change, our bodies, our desires, our perceptions, our expectations and our circumstances. We often overlook healing and the absolute influence it has upon us. We underestimate our ability to overcome, to create change, and to embrace new possibilities and avenues.
I used to be the greatest control freak, overwhelmingly determined and refused to move an inch unless I wanted to. Mostly because circumstances taught me that to relinquish one little bit of control over emotion, over mind and to react would have meant to die. I met Jesus, he said trust me... I couldnt. He said let me be in control... I wouldnt. He said lose yourself in my presence... I darent. Very patiently, HE stood by my side, calmly waiting for me to overcome my mindsets, fears, memories, perceptions and to work out what I needed/wanted most. So I got down on my knees, and HE was right there to help me with everything I had need of. I ended up on my face. Bit by bit this past 8 years God has healed me and made me whole.
Too many times I hear people refusing to go to church, someone once hurt them so badly. Refusing to pray, God one time didnt answer and they were hurt and humiliated. Refusing to talk to 'Christians' because they were hurt by this fraud one time. Refusing to trust another especially about God because they were abused by a so called 'Christian'. Too many say NEVER again because of what was. Even those on the pews of the Apostolic/Pentecostal churchs, those that minister and those that pastor, none are exempt. Satan has encouraged a 'never again' mentality. It breeds heirachies, rebellion, division, discord, fear, confusion, contentions, doubts, jealousies, cliques, secrecy, lusts, coveteousness.... All because of a 'Used To Be', a 'Was' or a 'Has Been'. Even when God heals the heart, the soul, the spirit and the body... too many times the mind stays broken.
I sincerely pray you find the ability to receive a healed mind, that you may live a restored life...
Jesus bless you
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