As a grown up I learned...

I was sharing with a precious friend today and decided to blog the things we discussed. I will try to keep it short...

I remember learning as a child the 'violent', 'domineering' and 'agressive' side of parenting, I also learned very well that my worth or value came from what I did well or did not do well. I learned that when I was 'good' in the eyes of the authorities in my life all was well and when I was 'bad' then I could very well die. As with many that grew up like that it took me a long time as an adult to stop seeking validation from those around me. I was blessed with two sons and a daughter, and my eldest son remembers well how hard I was when he was little. I had become my mother, my aunt, my cousin, my primary school principal... I found bits of each of them in my mode of 'being a grown up' in authority.

I thank God for first realising I needed help long before I knew Jesus, yet aware it was His leading me. 15 years ago God began the process of healing in me, for me. Bit by bit as I was healed and began to grow up, I learned many things which not only changed my life, yet also the life of my childre and my parents. The following are things I have learned and the impact is nothing less than monumental. I pray in some way you may be blessed, challenged or encouraged to know there is a better way...

1/ That everything I do or say is my choice. No one ever makes me say or do anything I have not chosen to do. Chosing to go to pieces and 'react' totally irationally and over the top is still something I chose to do. Maybe the only choice I realise exists, still a choice. It is about being healed and learning to 'act' instead of reacting.

2/ When I feel I am going to 'lose control' it is exactly the opposite which is reality. This happens when the realisation hits that I never had 'control' in the first place, and it is my right, my due and my responsibility to have it. Thus like a banty rooster in a big red rooster crowd the flesh rises up to look as intimidating and threatening as possible. The bantum will stand as tall as possible, get as loud as possible, fluff up to look as big as possible, and get in a place looking down on others to look bigger. When the decision is made to do this, and it doesnt work, the so called 'logical' conclusion is try whooping down that which refuses your control. The desire for dominance says, the 'it' has to be dominated by any means possible.

3/ That I had to do everything myself otherwise it would not be done right and perfectly by anyone else. O and to make as much noise about how much I 'had' to do. Then I learned I was to teach. Teach my daughter how to be the woman and my sons how to be the men they were created to be. I was stealing this from them. I began to teach. My sons and daughter cook, sew, clean, iron and maintain their own space.

I remember that first day when God told me to stop stealing the manhood from my sons. I wept, repented and got up. I went out to my car, called my 13yo son and handed him the keys. I got him to park it where I had always done the oil changes. I handed him the new oil filter, the oil, the tools and then showed and explained how it was done. He said he had it. Against everything in me, I walked inside, turned the music up and stressed. haha. After about an hour and some more he came in through the back door. Casually I greeted him. He was beaming from ear to ear, stood about a foot taller than normal, and there was a light in his eyes I had not seen in a long time. I felt so good I went to my room and cried, for the first time I realised I was teaching my sons and daughter to be as gender confused as the world around them. I also realised I had the ability to do something about it.

4/ Having suffered depression for years, I was no housekeeper to say the least. I would meet people at the front of my house and only on the rare occassions when I had 'the house' under control did I invite people in. I loved a clean house, just didn't have one ounce of motivation, energy nor desire to do it. Then I would look at it and be so overwhelmed that it just added to my lethargy. Where would I start, how on earth would I ever tackle 'that mess'? It was like that when my children were told to clean their rooms, they would fuss, argue and we would fight.

One day, a wise friend said, 'this is not something to look at the big picture'. Do it one thing at a time. I thought about it. I looked at the lounge room (living room with no accent), looked at my children that I had called to my side and talked to them. We each agreed to pick up 3 things each and put them where they belonged. We laughed and joked and went to see who could do theirs first. We came back and each found 3 more items, they in turn found their place. 8 minutes and the lounge room was literally clean and tidy ready to be vaccuumed. Next was their rooms. The older ones did ten things, my daughter 5 (she could count to five properly). Some days we timed how long it took them to do their ten. Some times it was 3 lots and a biscuit (cookie) or fruit. It worked. This has become part of my nature more and more. When I forget (chase squirrels) to keep on top of things this process of Items not big picture still helps.

I had a lady share a little of her life, and her childhood. Her mother told her 'You can't do anything about being poor. You can do something about being a unclean'. Words well spoken.

5/ I learned to use the word AND instead of BUT when dealing with my children. The word 'but' negates or cancels everything said before it in the ears and mind of the hearer. The word and includes both. 'I love you but you broke that vase' and they hear 'You broke the vase, I dont love you any more'. 'I love you but you made a huge mess' and they hear 'you made a huge mess, no more love'. 'I love you but your always late' and so on. The examples are endless. When we us and, it becomes an encouragement not a rejection. 'I love you and you broke my vase which was not good'. The action and the value have been separated. 'I missed you and your late again' separates action from person and gives motivation for change. Constant negativity breeds greater distances in relationships.

Last but not least...
6/ I taught my children to yell. They disobeyed or ignored, I yelled. Then yelled at them for yelling at me. Whats with that... One day, ooooo and it was soooooooooooooooo hard. I stopped and looked at them and said I am choosing not to yell any more. In this house we 'speak in a normal voice'. To get my attention or their own way they would yell, whine, moan, or half cry half talk, to which I calmly said 'when you want to talk to me in a normal voice I will be able to understand you and we can work out what needs done'. Ignoring them was the hardest thing ever to start with. They tried me soooo hard. LOL, but the first time I yelled they were so fast to use it on me. Together we learned the art of conversation and of respect. Still brings tears to my eyes. We find we can literally talk about anything.

To those that persevered to the end of this, and I apologise its so long, I thank you.

God bless you richly.

Not saved from hell...

I am increasingly alarmed at the fast moving and yet insidious teaching that 'now is the time to be saved from hell'. I have heard so many times this past 6 months or more of how 'God is saving people from hell every day', 'Another soul pulled from the gates of hell', 'Another one God pulled from the brink of hell today'....

In short that is a lie, straight from the pitts of hell and both catholic and baptist doctrine. It is eating up the air time of far too many Apostolics/Pentecostals in far too many countries. It is (as many traditional untruthful teachings), that which was heard, sounds good and thus repeated. It remains both unbiblical and unsound.

In long, I will explain...
God's desire, determination, intention and destination was never to save people from hell. Whilst tradition teaches hell is the great separation from God, God said different. Psalms 139:7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? :8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. While hell is real, it never did and never will separate us from God, and He did not say he would come save us there. He will be there anyway as it is part of His territory.

Transgression separates us from God, sin hides His face from us that He will not hear (Isaiah 59:2). Lets define Sin... It is breaking or transgressing the law of God, which the bible says is the ten commandments (1John 3:4). Sin is an archery term defining by how much you miss the target. When the arrow was shot, someone would check where it landed and call back to the archer you sinned by this much in this direction. It was to allow the archer to readjust and fire at the target again hoping this time to hit the bullseye. For us, the target is to uphold or keep the law of God, striving to hit that bullseye, and learning how far we have sinned so that we may readjust, regroup, realign and strive again.

Lets define transgression... It is a total disregard for the fact that there is a target. It says I will shoot where I will, when I will, how I will, and in this I will not miss the target because I was not aiming at it. It has such blatant disregard that it chooses random targets, random firing ranges and takes no heed for what is in its line of fire. Both Sin and Transgression lead to the same result, missing Gods set target for people. Those that profess to love Him and those that do not. Denying or ignoring the target doesnt change the penalty from a just God.

In the old testament there are multiple examples (look and you will find them) of sacrifices made to bridge the gap between God and man. Those sacrifices were never known as hell offering, they did not remove hell from ones life. They were Sin offerings, to remove the death of sin from the lives of God's people. Jesus (God in the flesh) came for the same purpose, for the saving of His people from their sins (Matthew 1:21). For the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23).

Job 10:14 If I sin, then thou markest me, and thou wilt not acquit me from mine iniquity (Iniquity meaning nothingness, trouble, wickedness, affliction). The reason we obey the gospel is because we break any one of the ten commandments listed in the law of God. We sin. In order: We repent... of our breaking the law of God. We are baptised for the remission of our sins to wash away that mark which blemishes us. We receive the gift of the Holy Spirit/Holy Ghost by which God writes His law on our hearts and minds that we will be ever mindful of them (Hebrews 10:16), and HE will be our God and we shall be His people (Jeremiah 31:33).

IF when Jesus returns we are found with unremitted sins, and are separated as goats, hell is the final destination...

If there were no law, there would be no sin. If you want to discuss this further, please feel free to email me.... ajsfound@gmail.com

God bless you.

I will when...

As a parent I would love to have $50 for every time I have heard the phrases using the words 'I will when.....'. As soon as it was something they did not want to do, this phrase gave them space to feel justified in their rebellion. Guys, clean your room, 'I will when I have more time, Im playing'; Pick up your act and improve your grades, do your homework, 'I will when Im smarter'; Dont pick on your little sister, you need to protect her 'I will when we are bigger'; help do the law, the dishes, save your money, give something to someone else.... etc etc etc.... Each time when they had more, were more, received more, owned more, it was always I need more before. Thing I found, the distractions grew with the kidlings. The issues grew, the rebellion grew, the mess grew, the habits grew....

Many of you laugh because this is so true. Its a good thing we don't owe God $50 for each time we say it to Him.

Go spend time with someone hurting, dying, outcast, socially not accepted, brilliant, poor or whatever ever... Lord when I have more time I will. God only made a day as long as it is. We can make time to do the things we want to do, no excuse needed.

God give a meal to someone, clothing, shoes, materials, an appliance, a car... God if I had a little extra, or another I would, I might need that in case the one I am using stops working.

Go give that mother a hand with the babies while she shops, while she mows, while she cleans house, while she prepares the meal, while she goes out for once... God if I had an extra hand, extra day, extra help with what I have to do I would, but I had to cope on my own.

Go give that person $5. $10. $50. $100. $500... God is that really you??? You know my heart Lord, you know I would give if I had it, you know I would help if I could, you know I would bless them if I wasnt saving for that other thing I need. God you know I will give when I am rich.

The thing is this...
The more time you feel you have at your disposal, simply makes you more disposed to do more of what you already did.
The more posessions you lay hold of and keep, simply gives you a greater desire to do just that.
The more help you get and spare days you find the more you spend doing the things you were striving to do, for you.
The more money you get, simply makes you more of what you were. If you ate big, you eat bigger; if you shopped lots, you shop bigger; if you save when you have little, you will save more; if you wasted you will waste bigger.
If your a giver, the more you have, get, receive, achieve and created, the more you will give.

I will share this. I was having trouble with my weight and using it as an excuse (regardless of how I would have sugar coated it) for the reason I couldnt go and do and be all God created, called and asked of me to be and do. I was sharing with someone one day saying 'If you wont give when your poor you wont give when your rich'. As quick as a flash the Lord spoke to my spirit and said 'If you wont obey me when your fat, you wont when your skinny'.

Hit me like a truck, what about you??